For mediocre advice on just about any subject, Stacia is willing to throw her two cents in.

Don't be afraid, just Ask Stacia.

Hi Stacia!

Do you think your fabulous career really started in sixth grade when you were part of Our Country 'tis of Thee and you danced the Charleston?

One of your former (not old!) teachers

*************

I believe my acting career did, indeed start during that show. Of course, those other 12 year olds were really holding me back. If I'd had a solo, I would have soared into stardom! SOARED!

Thanks for asking.

Love,
Your now old former student

Hello Stacia,

I have recently moved back to a large city of note, the exact place is inconsequential but I understand that is a famous place where you once lived, on the eastern seaboard, southwest of Rhode Island but northeast of Maryland. I am a bit shy and don't like to leave the apartment especially when there is a chance that there will be people on the street, I'm just a midwestern boy afraid of being taken advantage of, you see. Oh Stacia, please tell me how I can get girls to notice me? If they do notice me, are they going to steal my wallet and luggage? Should I just come home?

Signed,
Lost

*************

Dear "Lost"

No, don't come home. You're probably better off anonymous in a large city of note than conspicuous in a city where you can drape a bunch of big haired wenches on your arm.

I think a good way to get girls to notice you is to wear a construction hat and yell things at passing women like "yea, baby" or "I'd like to get me some of that" or "You don't KNOW what I could do to you". Chicks LOVE this sort of thing.

Good luck in your quest!

Love,
Stacia

Hi Stacia,

My name is...um...Bill...and I'm an aspiring actor here in the Twin Cities. I haven't had a great deal of success in climbing the ladder so far, though I thought I got some good notice with my one-man Fringe Show: "I've Been Drinking and I Think I'm Gay". Only half my immediate family attended it, but they seemed far less indifferent to it than they normally are. Anyway, I've noticed that things seem to very clique-oriented and incestuous in this town. And though that makes me very bitter and resentful towards those more successful than I am, I realize I have no choice but to sell out every scruple I ever possessed just to get to the top of the little world I've constructed for myself. I mean, I'd eat the left side of my private parts just to get a decent notice from some of the fine (and not at all physically inferior) critics we have in these fair cities. So, I guess my question is: what's up with your headshot?

Love and Kisses,
Bill in the Basement

*************

Dear Bill,

First of all, in order to "make it" in the Twin Cities, you need to french kiss everyone on the Pigs Eye Theater Board of Directors. Just FYI.

As for my headshot - shut up. I'm not terribly photogenic and I often have gas.

Love,
Stacia

Dear Stacia,
A few weekends ago, while at a party, I was asked by a rather drunk woman what I thought my best feature was. Without hesitation, I said my forearms. At my answer, the woman burst out with laughter, spilling all but a few drops of her drink (a saffurrrrrrr unn tonic, as she had slurred to me earlier). Now, Stacia, I realize my answer is a bit unexpected, but it's true. My forearms are my best feature. Sure, I've been complimented on other body parts, too. But in my opinion, nice forearms are scarcer. And, as you undoubtedly have seen, I'm quite proud of mine.

Am I just weird?

Sincerely,
Quentin C.

******

Dear Quentin C -
I have to admit that I believe forearms to be the sexiest thing about the "always visible" human body. I suppose that woman at the party wanted you to say something like "I have great shoulders" or "I think I have really expressive eyes" or "seriously? my sweet ass." But she's stupid. If you'd watched her leave the party you would have seen her slide her socked feet into her sandles and drive off into the sunset in her red Fiero.

No loss there, friend. Consider that divine intervention.

-Stacia

Dear Stacia,

I have to know ... who is your favorite actor to work with in Minneapolis?

-Karen Weiss Thompson

***

Dear KWT,

Me! Me! Me! And a close second: Karen Wees Thomsen.

-Stacia

"Stacia Rice got inside the skin of Maggie with a rangy and natural performance that explored every nuance of emotion that Tennessee Williams asked of the disenchanted lady."
-- Minneapolis Star Tribune